hazel

Posted: April 24, 2018 in Uncategorized

i tell the stars i don’t belong here, that i don’t deserve this. they look down on me and tell me it’s ok, to forget where i’ve come from, to focus a little less on how i could mess this all up, to remember that this is a gift and that we are all worthy.

i say i understand and do my best to enjoy the moment, the very minutes as they tumble by in laughter and bright eyes. and then when they blink, i feel my soul blink back.

 

ghost

Advertisements

earth bound

Posted: April 23, 2018 in Uncategorized

there’s a primary bruise against my smile shaped like a galaxy swirl and when i tried to rub it away all i managed was to smear everything on my face.  now my colors are all brown and gray (earth tones, you know?) and i can’t say i’m recognizable.

i was always anchored to my own planet, though, so perhaps that color scheme is more fitting. i never thought much of it, of those starry nights and bright blue skies everyone else wanted to explore.  friends and family alike wondered why i was satisfied with the earth beneath my feet, of the trees, and how they whispered to me. i would answer that i am simply grateful for the things that make my heart skip a beat and ask how they could seek something so indiscriminately unreliable. it was an argument no one ever really won.

 

ghost

view

Posted: April 19, 2018 in Uncategorized

so i drive to the ends of the earth and dangle on the edge of time. i always secretly knew that everything i’ve ever been told was a lie. it’s not a point of argument, i just want to believe that the earth can be flat if i want it to be.

i want to look into the abyss and be pleasantly surprised that it isn’t all darkness or a light absorbing void i’ll never be able to fill. i want to stand and watch this galaxy forming and our stars colliding. i want to see if our universe can be reborn. and if so, i want the courage to jump into it with no reservation. maybe we could reimagine the beginning of life.

i like to think we can replace the idea we were cheated or that karma got the best of us. i want to forget that i saw things i was never meant to see or that i only ever seem to learn lessons the hard way. i want to disregard and rewrite my programming that makes me fear this won’t end as well as i want it to, that nothing in life ever goes as planned. i never really have a plan anyway. i just take the days as they come.

i want it to be worth the risk. i want to be calm with you. i want to be brave. i want to be strong, and i don’t want you to burn out waiting on me to be so.

so here i am, hanging out over the edge, looking at you. i may not be brave yet and i may not be strong, but i d*mn sure don’t mind the view.

 

ghost

chew toy

Posted: April 17, 2018 in Uncategorized

all my senses change to senseless and i find myself defenseless to how nothing is as it seems. the next time you’ll see me i’ll be a different person. don’t doubt my ability to adapt.

i’m a storm wrapped up tight and bound and trapped, but never for very long. there’s a blizzard now but i can show you what it’s like to burn. my heart was churned and welded from the pit of a volcano and you can feel the magma in my chest running through my veins.

everyone runs away when you’ve seen what i can do, or more accurately, what i cannot. the worst things are the small ones. you can sweep away fear and pain, but the small things like doubt have a way of sticking to the dark corners and gnawing at you.

 

ghost

step

Posted: April 13, 2018 in Uncategorized

and like the scar on my right hand, you are more than noticeable. you’re hidden beneath a slightly sheer fabric that i adore even though i can’t quite see through it. you are unsorted in my thoughts but i swear i feel there’s space for you here.

i feel myself move in your wind’s sway. subtle, but it’s movement nonetheless.

 

ghost

anomaly

Posted: April 12, 2018 in Uncategorized

you are bright in the contrast, a warm yellow glow soaring through screaming blue, ethereal clashing with sharp. you are a new-made old soul, your complex heart pounding in elastic space both here and there.

never change your skin. never cast your eyes down dark avenues of doubt or insignificance. i sense your magic, beautifully purple streaked, dancing into formerly abandoned space.

i doubt the world will tiptoe lightly or go out of its way to remain unobtrusive to your path or grin at every simple gesture, every affirmation of your singular phoenix, but the world would be mistaken to consider you lightly.

 

ghost

desert mind

Posted: April 10, 2018 in Uncategorized

i am slave to introspection, chained to that flavor of self destruction.  some part of me must relish it, because i cannot stop questioning my every moment. i’m constantly pulling myself apart and putting myself back together, trying to understand all the flaws, all the grinding gears, all the bent springs.

or perhaps it’s not self destruction. perhaps it’s simple observation instead, a hyper awareness of my surroundings, metaphysical and otherwise. maybe i’m just static in motion, less lightning bolt and more monochrome void stuck in the noisy safari of a mind.

alone in my own private serengeti i’m hiking through sludge and matter, through what matters and what doesn’t, destined to become little more than dust in another dimension.

 

ghost